Even if it’s just in yourself.

I’ve decided to post more personal posts on my blog.

As I feel friends and future clients should see the real me and not some sugar coated image from my social media pages.

I work very hard for my image. I tend to get walked on because I don’t want my image to change. Truth of the matter is, I’ve not the most confident person in the world. I currently feel like a butterfly in the middle stages.. I’m not a caterpillar anymore… but not quite a butterfly just yet.

There are so many things I want for myself.. and so many accomplishments I want to make. I’m still finding myself in this world and it’s a bit scary. I’m 23 and my dreams are far from the way I am living. Living life as an unwed, child-less young adult, out of most of my friends I have always been the weird one. I’m thankful my life has been the way it has. When I was younger all I wanted was “to get married” to “have kids” and don’t get me wrong.. I still want those things. Just, not now. Now is the time for me to try to peruse my ultimate goal. I want to be a Fashion Photographer. That’s been my dream for years now… and it’s still the one thing I find myself wanting most. Being a young, southern, tattooed girl from Jackson Mississippi I feel the world is a lot larger than I have been a custom to. I want to live and see the world before I have further responsibility. I know what I HAVE to do right now.. which is prepare myself for the next step in my journey. I’ve made so many difficult decisions, and I’m sure more are to come. I’m kind of babbling at this point.. but I want to tell myself and reassure myself I won’t lose that drive, or lose that goal. I want to look back at posts like this and know that I tried. No matter what I am, who I become I want to know I really wanted something and I had dreams and aspirations.

I see people lose sight of what they want every day or put their dreams on hold. It’s understandable and they’re just doing what is best for them. The beautiful thing about life is that you can make your own choices, good or bad and still be able to flourish and become someone you never knew you could be.

I keep having faith that things will soon take a turn for the better, and thankfully they seem to be going that way.. I do suffer from depression, and in the winter it seems to be worse for me.. so this winter my goals are to focus on myself and my body and try to work on my confidence and just getting out of bed before noon. It’s a struggle sometimes to get up every day. Not for a particular reason. It’s just conflicting. I love life; I’m just currently not living it to my full potential. I want to change that. I’m not sure what I’m suppose to be doing.. I just know what I’m currently doing isn’t what’s right for my future.

xox -T